What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 04:35
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She loved him until the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had hoped to write a book about this .
How do military families handle communication when a service member is injured overseas?
I could never make a relationship work though!
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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We were not on the streets..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
How can I remove decimals in math?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It was going to be , some day.
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I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
Can anyone or anything overthrow your belief in the Jewish God?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So whats the point in blame.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Comes on , in middle age.
All the time i was locked up.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is soul school!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was scared of men, in general
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was 9 years of age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And i lived it daily.
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
We all went to grammer schools
But it wasn’t much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But, we were locked up after school.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was seconnd youngest,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I will be 64.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I waited trembling.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What did i know ?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Was to survive, this bastard.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Would this be the day?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im still living with it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So, i spoilt her more .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
When she asked me how she looked .
I think the readers, may guess!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.